This is me scrolling through the available males on OKCupid: Frowning in every photo -- next! Describes self as "old soul" -- yeah, no. Describes self as "man of God" -- whoopsie! Shows bare skin -- ick. Does not include head in any of photos -- whaa? Tells me not to contact him unless I "LIVE IN PORTLAND!" Photographs himself next to his car. Or in spandex shorts. Or swim trunks, making a muscle. Actually that one was kinda cute. Here's a guy petting a deer while still sitting on his bicycle. Like he thought maybe the deer would let him pet it, but he wasn't so committed to the idea to bother getting off his bike.
These men need a friend. A friend who will say, "Dude, skip that photo of you in the green cape." And, "add some punctuation." And no, I don't want to know that you can't live without good sex, or any of the details of what that means to you. It's also freaky when they say they're looking for a "kind-hearted woman." Does that mean all the women they've been with were somehow evil, they just couldn't tell when they first met them? I've never heard anyone say they were looking for a partner with a good heart. What are the alternatives? A cold, black dead heart?
The Old Soul, just to tell tales, was raised by Quakers and always cuts his own hair because the results, he says, are more consistent.
Too skinny, plus wearing red tights, and doing a handstand on a giant log. You in your Superman costume, possibly on Halloween. Or a full-face selfie, followed by the same selfie but now you're wearing sunglasses. So I can see how much cooler you are when you put your sunglasses on. A profile that reads like it was written by a Russian hacker.
When did I get so dour and picky?
42. I'm sure of it. OK, maybe a couple years earlier than that.
I am going to meet my first "date" this afternoon. His name is Stephen and he encourages me in dollar cost averaging. His kids are grown, and he lives nearby. I'm not sure he drinks. It could be interesting. He did initially want me to swing by his house. Not sure if that's code for something.
This is hard.
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