Laying Fallow

Work has ended, at least for now. Suddenly, no structure, no early morning meetings, no deadlines -- and no money coming in. It is time for radical life evaluation.

Dad and niece pick pumpkins

Week 1: Visited parents in New York. Dad turned 86 last month and is slowing down. He often complains of the cold. He and mom are healthy and chipper, though, and fully mobile. Gives me great hope for my future as an elderly person.

New York's leaves were late this year, so not much color. But this was waiting for me when I got back home. Sweet!

Week 2: Did a monthly budget and freaked out. Loafed and read. Started Spanish class, so I can order "cerveza frio" and find the bathroom when I visit San Miguel de Allende next month.

Week 3: Made a lasagna with buffalo meat. Got back in the pool. Went ISO music: classical, country, alternative. Found out it only costs $60 to apply to the Iowa Writer's Workshop MFA program, in case the winter isn't cold enough in Oregon. Bought a couple "wicking" shirts for biking around town.

There is something about doing nothing. For us Type A personalities, it can be excruciating to have down time. (What to do now? Where's my accomplishment rush?) Yet it's uncanny how, without structure, I can seem to get things done in a gentle, eddying sort of way that's really quite lovely. Creative loafing, as it were. Doing more by doing less. Like Dan Price and his hobbit hole.

A friend suggested I make a list of everything I want from this new life in Portland. So here they are.

- A strong body
- A tidy house
- A simple life (as simple as possible)
- Meaningful work
- Someone to love me
- Creative outlets
- Community / camaraderie
- A calm mind
- Financial security
- A low-stress lifestyle

In the last seven months, I've gone through a breakup, moved to a different state, bought a house, moved again. Work has been consistent throughout the past two years, and it was hard to let it go. What's interesting though is to see what I am like as I emerge from all these transitions. Back to being single, growing older, sorting out who I am at this stage of my life. Still the same but with small changes that seem somehow enormous. So that's what this post is about: the never-ending process of finding yourself, and when you do, figuring out what you're like and how you operate.

The process has given me hope -- and faith -- in an organic sort of personal development that doesn't come from self-help books or programs. Small changes that are not coerced by requirements or expectations, even my own. Hasta luego!