Evolving, and standing still

Yesterday I celebrated my improving health by drinking a glass of really nice wine, a Viognier named "Cold Heaven." It was a friend's birthday dinner at Coco500, which was nice but didn't live up to the hype. For the first time, I suspect bias in blog. (gasp.) Who says you can't blog for fun and profit? Well, foodwhore is not getting my repeat visit.

Job update: I start at UC Berkeley in two weeks. That will give me a buffer for the fall, and more time to lollygag and consider all the many possibilities open to me. Adobe is still around, but they've hit "an administrative roadblock." Read: I'm a new manager and I don't really know how to hire someone. Oops! Sun hasn't gotten back to me about either of the jobs I've interviewed for, which is just fine with me. There's a caveat on my severence payout that says, if Sun rehires you, you have to repay the amount left from the hire date to the end of your unused time on your severence payment.

I don't think so.

Heading out of town in a couple days for an extended long weekend in Reno/Tahoe. Planning to meet friends for rafting, biking, and perhaps some casinoing. This morning, a friend taught me how to play craps, and we then proceeded to win $1200 worth of peanuts on the strength of a $200 (peanut) stake and my lucky rolling. (Evidently I have the potential to be a "hot" roller.) The betting still flummoxes me, but, hell, I can roll dice. Perhaps I have found my new calling? My parents would be so proud. I just learned that my father had a reputation for foresight in his school years. Now, if I just inherited the gift...

New thoughts of things to do with my life:
- Attend VCU AdCenter to become branding czaress
- Pick up someone's tutoring clients in Silicon Valley; help overprivileged children score better on SATs
- Reenter Zen monastery, learn about six paramitas (Generosity, Discipline, Patience, Energy, Concentration and Wisdom), all of which could be very useful
- freelance, but for new companies like biotech

I can't believe i only have two more weeks of free time. Oy.

back to the drawing board

Well, it's official. This week, I reentered the land of the unemployed. Technically, I have work. I start in three weeks as a part-time contractor editing the catalog for UC Berkeley Extension. Still, it's sad to watch my paychecks cease (and my leisure time no longer paid for), and my health, dental, and vision benefits come to an end. Oh well!

Here are my options:
1. Write fabulous short shories and land university teaching job
2. Become high-paid TV comic
3. Do freelance marketing writing for technology companies
4. Get another job
5. Marry well-employed man, get pregnant, keep house

My friend Alex has added one other possibility:
6. Become crack whore

OK, back to nursing my respiratory virus and considering my options. Oh, and making naan. What a Wednesday!

getting things done

Today I signed up for the career transition services that Sun pays for as part of my severence package. They're pretty luxurious. For two months I can go into the office downtown, use the computers, print things, make long-distance calls, and filch office supplies. I can also access their databases, like OneSource, for an in-depth job search, take classes, and do all sorts assessments designed to help reveal what I really want to do with my life. It's pretty cool.

Other things I have done with my time:
- Made bread with new mixer (too yeasty; need practice)
- Discovered old mixer is collectible; one went for $80 on eBay
- Cleaned out file cabinets
- Sold old books and CDs on Amazon Marketplace. Made like $17, after costs.
- Got residential parking permit, freeing up garage space for guests or subletters.

A word about my subletters. I am still finding evidence of their residency. The toaster set on dark, so my nuts got burnt. The radio with the presets gone, so I can't get NPR at the click of a button. Urg. I'm not sure my money-making schemes are really that sensible.

Today, I applied for unemployment. One of my fellow unemployeds recommended filing before your termination date, so benefits start immediately. Amazing the things people pass on. Handy, too.

Still no word from Adobe, in spite of a phone call. I am planning to accept the UC Berkeley catalog editing job. Not exciting, but it's money, it won't commit me to anything long-term, and I'll get to keep my severence package and EPP. Hopefully, it'll also put me in a 1099 tax status, so there are deductions to be had.

All in all, not bad for a Tuesday.

shopaholic

Don't ask me how this happened. I spent 3 weeks considering non-attachment to things, people, feelings, myself. Then, I get out, and have been shopping like a maniac ever since. Clearly I am a product of my culture.

Here are a few of the things that I have purchased in the last (ahem) three days.

- Hamilton Beech mixer (with dough hook attachment)
- New brochade curtain for back of front door
- at least 50 pounds of bulk food, like brown rice, popcorn, polenta, sunflower seeds, poppy seeds, dates, prunes, apricots, currants, raisins, baking yeast, animal crackers, chocolate chips
- stain remover sticks
- magnifying makeup mirror
- magnetic hooks to hang (new) stovetop heat diffuser and splatter screen
- dry measuring cups and steel cookie sheet
- pyrex and plastic tupperware
- magnetic strip for kitchen knives

Now, I just need to start cooking. Because eventually, I can save a lot of money by eating at home instead of going out. Except, frankly, I've been going out every night. Last night, Hamano suchi. Tonight, Colibri. Tomorrow I'll eat at home. Maybe I can give that new lemon pepper a try on a salmon filet. I also plan to use my dough hook to make naan, and bake it on my new steel cookie sheet. Unemployment is great. I feel twinges sometimes, like I should be looking for work or at least worrying about it. Perhaps I am in denial. It's sweet. (May it never end.) This weekend I want to test-drive a Toyota Prius. And maybe a BMW Mini. nd a 300 series, just in case.

accomplishment #1

This morning I got up at 5:30am and went to the Master's Swim class at the JCC. It only took 2-3 years to get there. It was more yardage than I could do -- 3200 m -- but the speed was quite doable. I quit after an hour of a fairly slow pace. Even the guys weren't moving that fast, so I've got high hopes that, once I get my body in shape, I'll be able to do the workouts with no problem. Maybe even get some pointers on my stroke!

Now, what to do with the rest of the day. It seems there are a million small things to get done. I'm looking forward to a clear desk. ;-) Then, perhaps headway can be made on the rest of my life. Phone interview today at noon with Sun. Hmmm.

Home again, getting older

It is my second day home. And it is my 37th birthday. So far, I'm enjoying myself.

Yesterday I went grocery shopping, bought all sorts of fresh fruit and veggies, and then went home and consumed them at intervals throughout an afternoon of delicious loafing. I also watched Estela Bravo's documentary on Fidel Castro, and unpacked.

In general I'm enjoying a schedule-less existence. But I do have a nagging feeling that my regular life is stalled. That for all the plans I make, library books I return, and things I consider acquiring to make my life run just a bit more smoothly, that I'm not on track to get anything done in the larger sense. I'm guessing I've had this feeling for some time, hence the Zen Buddhism practice, but it's stronger now, even unavoidable.

Had an interesting reflection on my birthday. I've never been a fan of my birthday, and this year I was quite moved by the grace and generosity of my good friends. I woke up this morning and looked at the cards, gifts, and flowers that people have given me, and I thought, those are nice, but they are not my birthday. My birthday is what I choose to do with it. And for the life of me, I'm not sure what to do. So my birthday will matter. So this day will count. So today will be an exercise in uncertainty. Not knowing what comes next, or what this year will hold. Not knowing when my life, as I have sometimes glimpsed it, will really begin.

Buddha eats first

First, a compilation of the songs that have been running through my head, which is ideally supposed to be empty of all thoughts. We're practicing non-attachment to thoughts or ideas. And technically, we're not supposed to be writing, reading, or speaking, so I want you all to know that I'm retarding my enlightenment by sharing these important thoughts with you, my readers.

The first week, I was listening to a lot of Talking Heads on the mindPod, early stuff like Heaven, which my brother Dan wants played at his funeral. Now it's a weird mix of Billy Idol (White Wedding), David Bowie, Madonna, and random songs like The Muffin Man, and Puttin' on the Ritz. Technically, I'm aging, having moved from the late 70s to the mid-late 80s. I'm also running some Moby, which makes me almost contemporary.

My work prospects are taking awhile to hatch. UC Berkeley did not offer me the position I interviewed for, but they did offer me another one which is actually a better fit for me -- fewer hours. Adobe is dragging their heels. The "formal interview process" is evidently something of an inquisition, and takes awhile to set up. I'm also considering applying to the Iowa Writer's Workshop this winter. There, I said it. Now, I suppose I'll have to finish some stories or something.

Now, about the Buddha. Every morning and noon we eat oryoki in the Zendo, which is quite a production. You're not supposed to look around the Zendo while all the preparations are being made, so only now that I'm a lunch server am I learning all the steps.

First, the meal boards get wiped with a cloth. Then, there is a chant, and the eaters set out their bowls. Then, you put your hands in gassho, which Christians will know as the prayer position, and sit there. Until now, it's been a total mystery what's going on, because you're not supposed to raise your eyes. Here's what happens.

1. Someone (like me) puts out a special mat
2. Someone from the kitchen comes down and does three (I think) full bows, or prostrations, ot the altar. As if to say, "here's the food, we cooked it, we hope you like it okay."
3. A little tray is brought in and presented to the altar. It has little bowls with the actual food we're eating on it, and a little cone of incense. It's for Buddha. Sortof like Barbie bowls, or how a kid pretends to drink tea with her stuffed raccoon. Only a lot of grown-ups chanting and bowing, which makes it rather quaint and eerie at the same time. I mean, he's not actually eating, is he?
4. The mortals can be served, after one more chant.

Oryoki is really rather nice, although if you're hungry it can seem interminable. I like it. You sure can't forget what you're eating. And when you're done they bring you hot water, which you use to wash out your bowls, scraping them with a setsu, which is sortof like a cross between a tongue depressor and an oversized Q-tip. In my case, it's a small spatula, which is handy but can be a bit like a lacrosse stick when it comes to lifting water out over the edge of the bowl onto the clothes. Lots of oops-es there.

Big news on the colon front: I and several others mentioned our GI distress and the work leaders causally said, We need stewed prunes. Yesterday, we got them. And boy did they do the trick. Whoopee!