First, for those who don't know, I've been coming to SFZC for about 7 years, doing their Saturday monring public program, which is a 40-minute meditation and a dharma lecture, given by a senior monk. About 2 and a half months ago, I signed up for a class here called Establishing the Path of Practice. It is a one-year class designed to help you establish a Zen meditation practice at home, and also to increase your mindfulness and awareness of yourself and the world around you.
The assignments were simple but very difficult: sit zazen 30 minutes a day, stretch 30 minutes a day, and do a mindfulness exercise. Week 1-2, it was to eat a meal without any distractions: no talking, reading the paper, listening to NPR, or even planning the day. That was just about impossible. Week 3-4 was to tune in when driving, walking, or any other form of commuting. So twice a day, for 30-50 minutes, I had to just be aware of my body while piloting my Honda Civic, or be open to the sights, smells, and sounds of riding the bus. If walking, the assignment was to feel how your feet feel when they come into contact with the ground, see how your body felt moving through space. This could be quite pleasant. Or not, in the case of taking the bus.
Week 5-6 was to take a moment at every transition to check in with yourself: see how you're feeling, what your body's telling you. A transition was any change in location or activity. There were about a million transitions a day. The last assignment was to dress mindfully. First, pay attention to how you put on your clothes. Next, change it up. Put your other leg in the pants first. Or something, I didnt' quite get this one.
The upshot of all this sitting and mindfulness was that I got in touch with all kinds of things, not all of them welcome. There's a delightful senseof calmness that comes fromteh meditation, but there's also an awareness of just how much you're ignoring on a day to day basis. In short, I tapped into that great human condition, suffering.
Now what? I'm not sure. It's sortof like getting served a great big plate of turkey dinner and not really being hungry. On the other hand, I don't really want to waste it. OK, maybe that's not a good analogy. But this EPP class, and my being laid off from Sun Microsystems, set the stage for my deciding to come live at the Zen Center.
Here's how it's going:
Day 4
I went a little batshit with restlessness. It's encouraged to stay in the building during the program; I went twice to the cafe across the street to buy cookie. Basically, I wanted to go home.
I also had two minor run-ins with people here. It's dawned on me that it's not all about me and my meditation experiences; it's about everyone else who's here, too. A friend clued me in: with these things, it's not teh sitting that's so hard; it's getting along with everyone. There are some interesting characters here, and that's putting it lightly. However, I can choose who to engage with, and what to let go by. Although that woman putting a broom in my face really pissed me off. Bitch.
Notables: Had a great yoga class and loosened up these stiff and tight shoulders. Yay!
Day 5
Today was the first day it was hard to get out of bed. The good news is, I'm back in my happy place. The sitting is getting easier, and I'm less afraid of the pain in my knees, that it will be come unbearable ro cause me permanent joint damage. More later!
No comments:
Post a Comment