red letter day

Today was a day of momentous occassion, the fruition of countless hopes and dreams, the cessation of unending frustrations. Today ended the torment I have borne these 7 years silently and with only the occassional witness. Today is the day I called the plumber.

Bold, you say? Perhaps not. But my landlady has insisted her handyman is up for the job. Not that I have anything against Paul, who is by anyone's standards absolutely adorable. Alas, he is no plumber. Neither was his predecessor, Ike, who took several shots at my toilet and failed to tame it. I required the services of a professional. And with just a few well-placed calls and a stubborn resolve to pay the tab, no matter what the cost, I engaged Frank, who told me all about the mess that was my shitter.

Toilets are rather tricky beasts, especially if they date from the Pleistocene era. In 15 years of plumbing, Frank had never seen a toilet like mine. He could not rebuild it; the washer cannot be replaced and the flush valve is, well, odd. Frank put in a new angle stop, so when the leaking begins again I can at least stop the flow of water from driving me quietly insane. He gave me a new ball cock and a new stopper and ground out my threads (or something) so for the time being, my small apartment is quiet, free of the sound of running water, which for the past month I have tried to imagine was a friendly Zen fountain, happily dribbling calming negative ions into my living space. It almost worked. Then, I had guests. And my toilet's dysfunction made itself felt on others. It had to stop.

They say the best part of climbing a mountain is getting to the top, because you can finally stop climbing and enjoy the view. I feel the same way about faulty plumbing. Finally, after years of torment and neglect, my toilet is obedient, quiet, and sound. All hail to Frank, and plumbers everywhere who get down on their knees and fix our stickiest problems, bringing solace and relief where trepidation and humiliation once reigned.

Now, I'm going to crack open a beer and enjoy the silence. And another World Cup game.